I didn’t go to a religious school, but the school I went too had scripture lessons once a week. There weren’t any proper religious teaches at my school. It was a public school in a small town so we were taught about god by any psychopath who was free on wednesdays. The ad for the job would have been: Did you retire 20 years ago, and now nobody visits you, because you horrendous personal believes are too extreme for your own family? Well why not come down to Gerringong primary school where 30 kids will be punished if they don’t listen to everything you say.’

I remember a few of the teachers we had over the years, there was one man who opened his talk, by saying ‘If your a man, don’t have sex with men!’ And I know thats what he believes but the age group of the kids he was speaking to was way off. ‘Mate, we are ten years old, we have just started primary school, none of us want to have sex with anything! Sex is not a concept that exists for us. My dick has been hard once and it terrified me.

This is a story about the scripture teacher I had in year 3. She was a nice lady, She would structure the lesson by telling us a story from the bible and end the lesson by showing us an example of gods miracle on earth. Week 1 she brought in a big sunflower, gave out some magnifying glasses so we could look at it closely, it was beautiful. The next week she brought a rat in a cage, it was a nice looking rat.

Week 3 was when things got interesting, on the third lesson she brought in the same rat, and another rat. 2 rats, obviously the first rat had been a hit, and she thought whats the only thing better than a rat… more rats.

I am not making this up, every week for the rest of the school year she just kept bringing in more and more rats, some of the rats died but some were breeding with each other, so the rat population was on a constant steady rise, and while the original rat was quite beautiful, the more it went on the rats became quite mangey, and I imagine extremely inbred, also the amount of time spend on bible stories was getting shorter, much more time was being spent on the ever growing cage of rats. 

Remember the whole point of this is to show gods miracle on earth and we can all agree a cage of inbred rats is a fairly abstract way of doing this, ‘Are you going to show the kids a rainbow, or a coral reef, a butterfly? Nope, inbred rats.’ Thats the worst way to advertise god, that would be like if the trailer of Lord of the Rings was just a deleted scene of Gandalf shitting on the ground.

What reason would she have to do this? We get to the second last scripture lesson of the year, she says, ‘It’s been lovely teaching you kids this year. if you would like one of the rats, bring a note form your parents and $5.’

So she’s selling rats to kids. I have a lot of questions. Did she already have the rats? Or did she get a job teaching scripture to kids and think ‘Better get some rats’.

I want to know if this was the plan from the beginning, and if not when was the shift from scripture teacher to rat salesmen?

I have no idea if the school knew this was happening, all I know was I was so dumb that I didn’t even think this was strange at the time. When your a kid you just take the world as it comes, even if that is an old woman using the word of god as a scam to sell you cheap rats.

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Jack Druce